Archives for the month of: June, 2013

The only thing that is real is this moment. The present is where life happens.  When you reflect on mistakes made in the past you are doing it now.  When you are thinking about how to change or improve the way you control your emotions you are doing it now.  When you are planning your future, you are doing it now.  The now is happening in and through you.

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When things happen that are not exactly what you would like.  It is an opportunity  to find the good that exists.  Getting mad does not solve the problem. You can maintain self control and inner peace by accepting what is.   Most problems are not life threatening so in the scope of things most problems are not a big deal. So keep the faith!

Staying in control of your emotions enables you to live with love and peace! The Hawaiians say Aloha, and this means Love!

Take care and be mindful.

Aloha

I know you have many wonderful qualities. Some include that you honest, have integrity, are charitable, considerate of other people, caring, are a loving mother, and great at photoshop.

Through the course of our marriage we shared many wonderful adventures and I will always cherish the memories.  Diving together in Yap, Palau and  in Papua New Guinea will always be highlights of my life.  Not to mention that we created two wonderful children, raised great dogs, and built a successful business.

We also made mistakes. Neither one of us is perfect and making mistakes is a part of being human.  The thing is we are not our mistakes. We are in fact much more than that.  In fact it is through our mistakes that we had the opportunity to learn and grow.  Of course there are things I would like for us both to have a do over but that it is not possible as mistakes were made and are in the past.

Over the last 9 months I have had time to think about our marriage and my life.  I know you have not had the luxury of time nevertheless I am sharing with you now my recent revelation.

Until a few weeks ago I had thought I understood the meaning of forgiveness. During our marriage when issues and situations came up and we forgave each other I think the forgiveness while was given with good intent was shallow.  I mean we said we forgave each other but deep inside there were left over negative emotions. As an example when we said I forgive you to each other inside our hearts and minds its likely we said to ourselves I forgive but I do not forget.

Perhaps this is due to the ego that exists in all of us that likes to feed on drama, negative emotion, grudges, and discontent. This created remorse, regret, and rejection. These emotions kept us living in the past reliving the pain and negative emotions over and over again.  When new problems arose these left over just increased the intensity of the feelings. I am not saying this to blame you just to share the insight I have gained.  I hope it makes sense.

Recently though I have learned that forgiveness is more than saying sorry.  It is done without expectation or reservation.  True forgiveness is letting go and getting rid of the pain in its entirety.  As an example it is like when a teacher takes a eraser to the black board and all the mistakes are gone – forever.    They no longer exist and are unable give feelings of remorse, regret, anxiety, anguish, and anger.  The issue or cause of the problem has disappeared.  So true forgiveness removes old wounds rather than covering them up.

I know now that true happiness comes from living in the present moment.  The now.   The past is not included. Pain from the past only keeps the ego stirring things up inside. The past keeps us from living to our potential and from aspiring to live up our highest level of goodness.

Taking it a step further true forgiveness comes when we are able to see and emotionally accept that mistakes were made, but there was never really was anything to forgive. Harboring bad feelings for each other serves no purpose and only brings us down. While our past behavior and actions did create emotional turmoil in each of us, the inner truth is most of the pain we felt inside we created for ourselves. We assumed things.  We did not communicate well. We let our imaginations run a muck.  We doubted ourselves.
These feelings and emotions are attached to our past and have no place in the present. So I let them go

I choose to compeltly forgive you and myself. My intention now is to stay in the present moment, go through the process of divorce, do all I can to enable our children to grow up being loved by both of us, and to live a happy life.  My hope is that one day you too can forgive me and yourself – fully, forget the past, concentrate on the present, and live your life with love and peace.

With respect and aloha,

Do you remember when you were a kid how hard it was to wait for your birthday or Christmas.  Time seemed to stand still and then just like that the event you were so looking forward to happened. Afterwards you might have felt a bit down. That is until you started waiting again.

As adults we wait for our vacation, for the economy to turn around, for our relationships to improve, and for a parent to pass away and leave an inheritance.  I dont know about you but I am tired of waiting for things to improve, I want to do take action now.   I do not want to wait until there are big problems and big pain, when I can deal with things when they happen and put them to rest.

I am not waiting for the economy to improve.  Each day I take some sort of action to improve my situation.  It might be making a to do list, learning how to do something that will help me achieve my goals, placing a phone call, sending an email, or actually going to see someone and talking face to face.

I am not waiting for my relationships to improve.  Waiting will only make the issues bigger.  I want to listen, communicate, understand, forgive, and move forward.

I am not waiting until the ocean is over fished, and whales, dolphins, and sharks are extinct.  I am supporting NPO’s around the world doing presentations and raising awareness. Where energy flows results show.  We can all improve the quality of our lives, it just takes desire and commitment.

As I write this I think of the song by Tom Petty. The waiting is the hardest part.  In that song it says we don’t have to live like a refuge.  It is so true.

I am patient but I am not waiting for things to get better.  I am taking positive steps to make my life all that it can be.  Rome was not built in a day, but each day progress was made. And so it is….

How about you?  Are you committed to being happy and living with love and peace?  Are waiting or are you doing?

Today is a brand new day so why not try something new. Try changing how you respond to people when they ask you questions like how are you today.  Instead of your normal answer say something that empowers you like I am spectacular, or I feel wonderful. See what happens to you mood and state of mind. You might just find that you are indeed spectacular.

If you find yourself getting angry towards someone, its ok to let them know how you feel but why not try saying it in a way that might help shift  your mood.  For example I am a lttle concerned as to why you say that, or perhaps you did not mean to do that. When you say negative words, your brain feels negative thoughts and you carry that within you.  Just a little food for thought.

If you make a conscious effort to be as positive as possible, you might just feel better, happier, and more vital.  Remember every day is a gift, enjoy it.

Today I watched two little boys playing with toy guns.  One was a replica of a machine gun, and the other of a pump action shot gun.  The boys ran around with care free abandon killing imaginary enemies, and defending their world.  They got down on the ground and crawled through an invisible jungle, then postured themselves as snipers. After a while they stood up and ran straight towards their enemy.  It made me thing of Rambo.

It also made me think about the world in which we live.  Why is it that guns and killing are such a popular game for young boys.  Is it just innocent play, or is there an underlying message that society is sending?  I know children are bombarded with imagery of guns in cartoons, comic books, movies, and t.v. shows so kids think nothing of this kind of play.  But what happens as they get older.  Will they come to think that vanquishing those that have different cultures, religions, skin color, or values is normal and appropriate behavior?  Does violence solve problems or create bigger problems.  

Read any news paper today and you see articles about people getting shot in the street, drive by killings, gang wars, children killing children, not to mention the threat of war in countries like Korea where the weapons are not guns, but rockets and nuclear bombs.  This makes me think that citizens of the world need to wake up. 

Rather than kill each other we should support each other after all we are all god’s children and we all live on the same planet. Imagine what would happen if everyone lived with love and peace.  Conflicts would dissolve and our energy could be put towards creating new sources of power and fuel, as well as new farming and fishing methods. 

We do not need to live in a world of fear and lack.  In fact our universe is abundant and there is enough for every culture to thrive. 

Many people are afraid of change. They are happy with the status quo and do not want to test unchartered waters.  They know the problems they have, and think it’s better to deal with is known rather than the unknown.    Sound familiar?
The truth is that without change we stagnate.  Doing the same ol same ol, is like going in circles.  You are busy doing, but never arriving, and always end up right where you started.  That is hardly a recipe for success or a fulfilled life. In a way it is like living in the past.  The personal and emotional  issues you have are like a still pool that lies adjacent to a flowing river.
The truth is people need to grow to thrive.  That does not mean one should plunder ahead with care free abandon. Rather it means one should evaluate where they have been, where they are now, and where they want to be.
So take some time and look backwards.  Determine what action, behavior, and attitudes you have that work, as well as those that don’t.  Keep the things that serve you and get rid of the things that don’t.  In some cases past pain might be lingering in your heart and subconscious mind and these emotions resurface when you get angry, frustrated, let down, rejected, disrespected, feel loss or lack, e.t.c.. This can only impact your current relationships in a negative way.
Remembering the events that caused the painful memories is the first step to letting them go. As the memories surface, recognize them, thank them, then release them.  This means you must forgive yourself and or the persons that caused the pain in the first place. We all experience these emotions as they are part of what it is to be human. That does not mean we need to hold on to them.
Once the negative emotional baggage is gone there is space for positive emotions and memories to enter.  These emotions will serve you well and only enhance your current and future relationships and behavior.
When negative thoughts and memories don’t influence your behavior, your able to live in the present and act and react in ways that swerve your higher self and the higher good of all you come into contact with.  This is a refreshing and wonderful change and allows one to live with love and peace rather than frustration and anger.

Many people around the world have seen the movie about a fish named Nemo.   For some reason the movie entered my mind while taking a walk this morning.  It occurred to me that Nemo, started life living free.  Not long after being born he suffered the loss of his mother and was raised by his loving father. While growing up Nemo received a lot of love, but at the same time his father was a bit over protective as he  feared losing Nemo.  But as any child grows eventually they feel a need to test their boundaries and explore their world. While doing so, Nemo made mistakes and one of them was to be captured and whisked away to live to in a small fish take. As his freedom was taken away the little fish did not give up hope, and knew one day he would regain his rightful freedom.

Nemos father was heart broken, and felt guilty, but nevertheless he was determined to find his son.  He had an incredible amount of faith, hope, and belief. So he set out to find Nemo.  During the journey he encountered many dangers, trials and tribulations. But he was relentless in his goal. Sure enough his patience and dedication paid off and indeed he was reunited with his son.

It occurred to me that besides being a great film, there were were many metaphors that be can applied to real life.  Many children grow up experienceing emotion pain, and loss, feelings of separation, anger, frustration, stress, anxiety, and low level of self esteem . These negative emotions tend to find a home in ones ego and come back to haunt them later in life.  But it is possible to overcome negative emotions and pain from the past by forgiveness, acceptance, and living in the moment. As one overcomes these problems, they develop a high sens of self esteem and are able to go out into the world and let their creativity, skill, talent, and love of life shine.  Maintaining a strong sense of hope, belief, and faith enable one to set and achieve goals and not succumb to peer and social pressures.

All humans make mistakes.  That is part of our nature and how we learn.  Nemo made a mistake but he was not identified by them.  He learned from them and is known for his good heart, faith in himself, hope, and love.  The same is true for us.  We are not our mistakes but rather the essence of what is in our heart, souls, internal beliefs, and values.While Nemo experienced doubt and fear, he did not let that rule his life.  Neither should we.

So this little fish teaches us all many valuable life  lessons an enables us to live a life of love and peace.

Aloha all,

This is my 60th post in 3 months and I am so grateful to have about 30 people following me.  I enjoy writing this blog and hope the entries are well received.  I have a lot of new posts coming so stay tuned.  I want to ask all of you that read and enjoy this blog to help me get the word out.  Please  tell your friends to check it out or make a post on your blogs and ask people to have a look for themselves.  Feel free to pick your favorite entry of mine and re-post it on your blog.  I have a goal to have a hundred followers by August.

Your help is greatly appreciated.

I want to be of service to the world community and spread the message of  compassion, awareness, understanding, forgiveness, positive attitude, living in the moment, and of course to live with love and peace.

 

Today I had the pleasure of spending a few minutes with a small child.  She must have been around two years old, she had long black hair, dark eyes, dimples, and an incredible smile.  While it made me think of my girls and how much I love them, it also made me think about the innocence of youth.

Children are born innocent and depend on their parents for food, and love. They do not know about the world and trust instinctively trust adults will take care of them, guide them, and protect them.  As they grow they learn not just how to talk, walk, run, play, and interact with their family, they also learn how to act and how not to act.  They receive positive and negative reinforcement based on their actions and little by little learn right from wrong.

Children are also exposed to their parents and siblings behavior, and emotions including anger, resentment, frustration, feeling separate, fear, as well as love, joy, charity, faith, compassion, integrity, peace, empathy.  These impressions make their mark and are stored within their minds and hearts.

Soon enough, kids start preschool and have interaction with other kids and learn how to play, and are introduced to an extent to social rules and dagmas. When one kid wants a toy that the other has, or is mean to another child feelings of separation, jealousy, frustration are learned just as much as joy, fun, cooperation, and belonging. These are natural emotions and it’s good for children to start feeling them.

Sometimes the feelings kids have are strong and they come home from school and act out what they have experienced, as well as tell their parents what happened.  Things like Johnny took my toy and would not give it back, all the kids were teasing me and calling me names, or I hate Susie because she never listens to me….

As parents we need to listen and let the children know that these feelings are ok. These feelings are very real, and its important the children begin to see that emotions are signals as to what’s going on inside their bodies and minds.  This way they can begin to process the feelings and then let them go.

Many parents in this day and age have marital problems and the percentage that gets divorced is all too high. When kids see their parents fight they experience pain.  I am not suggesting that parents should fight in private but be aware that their actions can and do affect children. Parents fight about all kinds of things ranging from money, not sharing household responsibilities, drinking, sex, pressure, in-laws, promises not kept, and the list goes on.  Young children might not understand why their parents are fighting and assume the fight is about them.  Worse they could internalize values like lack, fear, anger, frustration and these feelings will be locked away in their minds only to resurface later when they are teenagers and adults. Thus it is important parents to be aware that their behavior is observed by their children.

When children hear their parents argue, it is not uncommon for them to have bad dreams. When this happens it’s a signal for parents to evaluate their behavior and take positive action. First they might look within themselves to identify the emotional baggage they carry from their past, acknowledge it  then forgive themselves and all involved. Next, they might want to consider couples counseling to work out their problems. Third they should communicate with their children and let them know the arguments were not about them and that they are loved.   This is an opportunity to teach the children about life.  The worst thing that can happen is that children grow up with negative feelings in their hearts as this pain will resurface later in their relationships. The best thing that can happen is children learn how to deal with their emotions and live with love and peace.