Aloha

I know you have many wonderful qualities. Some include that you honest, have integrity, are charitable, considerate of other people, caring, are a loving mother, and great at photoshop.

Through the course of our marriage we shared many wonderful adventures and I will always cherish the memories.  Diving together in Yap, Palau and  in Papua New Guinea will always be highlights of my life.  Not to mention that we created two wonderful children, raised great dogs, and built a successful business.

We also made mistakes. Neither one of us is perfect and making mistakes is a part of being human.  The thing is we are not our mistakes. We are in fact much more than that.  In fact it is through our mistakes that we had the opportunity to learn and grow.  Of course there are things I would like for us both to have a do over but that it is not possible as mistakes were made and are in the past.

Over the last 9 months I have had time to think about our marriage and my life.  I know you have not had the luxury of time nevertheless I am sharing with you now my recent revelation.

Until a few weeks ago I had thought I understood the meaning of forgiveness. During our marriage when issues and situations came up and we forgave each other I think the forgiveness while was given with good intent was shallow.  I mean we said we forgave each other but deep inside there were left over negative emotions. As an example when we said I forgive you to each other inside our hearts and minds its likely we said to ourselves I forgive but I do not forget.

Perhaps this is due to the ego that exists in all of us that likes to feed on drama, negative emotion, grudges, and discontent. This created remorse, regret, and rejection. These emotions kept us living in the past reliving the pain and negative emotions over and over again.  When new problems arose these left over just increased the intensity of the feelings. I am not saying this to blame you just to share the insight I have gained.  I hope it makes sense.

Recently though I have learned that forgiveness is more than saying sorry.  It is done without expectation or reservation.  True forgiveness is letting go and getting rid of the pain in its entirety.  As an example it is like when a teacher takes a eraser to the black board and all the mistakes are gone – forever.    They no longer exist and are unable give feelings of remorse, regret, anxiety, anguish, and anger.  The issue or cause of the problem has disappeared.  So true forgiveness removes old wounds rather than covering them up.

I know now that true happiness comes from living in the present moment.  The now.   The past is not included. Pain from the past only keeps the ego stirring things up inside. The past keeps us from living to our potential and from aspiring to live up our highest level of goodness.

Taking it a step further true forgiveness comes when we are able to see and emotionally accept that mistakes were made, but there was never really was anything to forgive. Harboring bad feelings for each other serves no purpose and only brings us down. While our past behavior and actions did create emotional turmoil in each of us, the inner truth is most of the pain we felt inside we created for ourselves. We assumed things.  We did not communicate well. We let our imaginations run a muck.  We doubted ourselves.
These feelings and emotions are attached to our past and have no place in the present. So I let them go

I choose to compeltly forgive you and myself. My intention now is to stay in the present moment, go through the process of divorce, do all I can to enable our children to grow up being loved by both of us, and to live a happy life.  My hope is that one day you too can forgive me and yourself – fully, forget the past, concentrate on the present, and live your life with love and peace.

With respect and aloha,

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