Archives for category: anger management

Many people carry around emotional baggage that contains pain, resentment, and anger. This keeps them living in shadows of the past. What would happen if people learned and practiced forgiveness and love? I believe rays of light would illuminate their lives and remove the darkness.

tranquil stream

tranquil stream

 

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It is that time of year again where stores force their employees to work like dogs, in order to sell us well – everything.   Some stores are selling certain things on sale, so you pay normal prices on the things you really want.  They figure since it is 2 AM and their are hundreds of people frantically rushing through the isles to take advantage of the great sale prices before the item is out of stock.  When it comes to the items that are not on sale the stores hope you just say to yourself well I am here I may as well buy it anyway…..

On one hand you got to love the capitalism.  These companies are trying to survive in troubled times  and want to make hay while the sun shines….  I get it.  On the other hand, many of these companies seem too aggressive with their extended hours and repetitious emails.   Last November, I saw some stores advertise they would be open 72 hours straight for our shopping convenience.  Perhaps its just me but with t.v., internet, and social media it feels like were already exposed to much advertising and spin.

Don’t misunderstand, I have the holiday spirit. I just think as a culture we need to evaluate our values.  Just as an example what if instead of printing and airing only advertising to sell fast food, cars, clothes, perfume, e.t.c., networks, newspapers, cable, and radio stations aired an appropriate number of community service type commercials so people could give back something rather than just take.  Just mentioning the different kinds of places people can volunteer their time, different projects going on, committees of citizens working to make better policies, after school functions, big brothers  sisters, e.t.c., could have a huge impact. We need to do this at a grass roots level, however if you have a different mindset no worries.  Rather than thinking local,  think global.

the path to peace

the path to peace

Is there one thing you can do to make our planet a better place.  It could be as simple donating to a water, food, or health related NPO.   The optimist in me sees so much potential to help preserve & conserve our natural resources, educate the world population, and promote values of love, forgiveness, and acceptance .  Where energy flows results show and I am sure giving your time, energy, and love will have a positive impact.  One person at a time we can make a difference.

With aloha

Still waters run deep

Still waters run deep

Each of us has a choice on how we see ourselves and the world.  Some people find that living in a constant state of joy, peace and happiness enables them to live in the moment and make the most of each day.

live your dream rather than live to dream

live your dream rather than live to dream

Others seem to live their lives in a state of negativity.  These people go through life missing the simple joys of a beautiful flower. They are often angry, frustrated, and living in disharmony.  I am not here to judge only suggest the idea that where energy goes results show.

morning dew is one of natures wonders

morning dew is one of natures wonders

I believe you can change your mindset by focusing your mind on the following concepts.   Live with gratitude.   Appreciate all the things you have. In this world there are too many people who have unsafe drinking water and not enough food. Take time to say to to yourself how grateful you are for the hot water shower, toilet, car you drive, food you eat, for the sunshine, e.t.c.  This can really change your attitude, especially at times when your feeling stress.  For example when stuck in traffic take the time to reflect on what you are grateful for.

Live with love in your heart and do your best to spread love.  If you remove all the social dogmas that surround and divide people you will see that we all have things in common.  We’re human and we all make mistakes.  We all want to provide for our families, educate our children, be healthy, and be loved. The more you love yourself and others the more love will be attracted to you.

Learn and practice forgiveness.   It is amazing how you can go from a resentful state to one of peace and joy, just by learning and practicing forgiveness.  Forgive yourself for things you have done, and others for what has been done to you.   I don’t know about you but I feel stress and frustration in my stomach first.  When this happens I recognize it and rather than let it grow I make the choice to accept it, think about it for a while, then let it go and forgive all those including myself.

This may sound kind of weird to some but the process really works for me. The reason is I want to feel happy and positive rather than sad and negative.

So what are you waiting for…..  Celebrate the joy in your life.

This whale is feeling joy and love!

This whale is feeling joy and love!

 

turtle 1

Do you think turtles get mad and want to yell.  Can you imagine what this turtle encountered to make it beach itself and scream. Turtles after all live underwater along the reefs and rocky shoreline. What ever caused this Turtle to behave like this  must have been terrifying. People have a tendency to think the worst, but what if you you changed that thinking and thought the turtle was laughing cause he just heard the funny joke about what one sea shell said to another…..  Or, perhaps the turtle is getting ready to take a nap on the beach and I just was there at the right moment to see him yawn.

So while there is one picture, there are several different possibilities as to what the story is.

This is an example of how we can interpret a situation by a visual cue that is likely biased to our individual mindsets. It could also be that people can hear words being spoken and receive a meaning different from what the sender was trying to communicate.  This could be do to many factors.  Two examples are if english is a second language  or your listening to someone speak with an accent.  it is very easy to understand just enough that you assume things.  This is where problems start.  You cannot ever know what is in someone else’s head, so assuming you do is really a waste of time and energy.

The way to find out what is going on with another person is to talk to them.  Ask questions, be present when they answer, by this I mean pay attention.  Don’t look at your watch every few minutes.   Maintain face to face contact. Invest your attention on the other person and that effort will produce effective communication.

Now, as for the turtle it was late afternoon and it wanted to haul out for a nice rest. I was just lucky to be able capture it yawning.

Take care everyone!

Are you stuck in  relationship or job thats join nowhere?  Why do you stay?  Is it because the evil you know is better than the evil you don’t? Or is it that your afraid of rejection or that you won’t find something better?  Sometimes a low self esteem is what blocks us.  Somehow we feel that were no worthy of a better relationship or job. Other times it’s that you’ve been in it for so long you are comfortable even though not 100% content.  Whatever the reason, what is holding you back is you.  You need to change that in order to succeed & thrive.

Old Man Wisdom cruising over the reef.

Old Man Wisdom cruising over the reef.

Yes, this seems easier said than done.  However once you make a decision and are committed to it, change can be empowering and make you feel good.   After all your taking action to improve your situation.  Where energy flows, results often show.  So embrace the changes that you know need to be made to enable you to live the life you desire.  The process takes time and energy but it does work and you can create the life of your dreams. Some the things you will go through will not be fun. However they will pass and in the end you remain.

This turtle image was provided by Douglas Hoffman.

So there I was sitting in the back yard talking on the phone. The wind was blowing and my attention went up towards the limbs of the mango tree I was under. At that moment  I saw the spider.  I had a choice to react with fear or not.  I could have simply killed it, as that would have removed the threat.  Instead, I decided to face my fear and let it pass through me. Once I did that I saw the spider in a different light.  I watched the spider ride out the wind in the safety of its web. The web while made up of  many thin strands was up to the task and it jerked in the wind but the spider held fast.

I have no idea if the spider was simply riding out the wind so it could repair bits of the web if the wind somehow managed to damage it, or if the spider was using the wind to catch prey in the web.  What did occur to me was that the spider just wanted to live. It wanted security, food, and perhaps a mate to share the tree with and raise little spiders.   And so a transformation occurred I no longer was afraid of the spider, now I had compassion for it.

Fear is not the enemy but really a friend telling you what you have to face and pass through

The spider is no doubt creepy.  But it is serves as a good metaphor for those things in life that cause us fear. Once we face our fears all that remains is us.  We have the ability to look at things and situations in a different light.  We can make decisions based on information rather than emotion and this serves our higher sense of purpose.

Sometimes life circumstance creates stress, pressure, and self doubt.  When this happens take a self inventory.   Write down all that is good in your life.  All that you are grateful for and what qualities you have that you like.  Then write down all that is wrong.  Then compare the list.  Once done you will likely find out there is more good than bad.  You will also see the areas you need to concentrate on.  This will help you get moving forward.

Have a great day everyone!Image

 

 

Life, love, relationships, and friendship are elements of life that give us purpose, a sense of belonging, and fulfillment.  But, life circumstances change.  Relationships sometimes end, and for that matter friendships  too.   When this happens sometimes people are hateful, resentful, jealous, angry, hurt, rejected, and they might say or do things that cause you pause.

You have a choice when this happens.  You can internalize these actions and words and allow them to have power over you, which causes  negative feelings and emotions.  This will affect how you feel about yourself and others and will bog you down.   It is not easy to accept people as they are, not pass judgement, and forgive others as well as yourself for the pain, rejection, and anguish you feel. But, that is what is required for you to live with love and peace.

We all deserve to be happy and enjoy life.  But we can’t do that if we allow others to control our emotions and state of mind.  All we can do is control our emotions and outlook in life.

Someone once said you could be right or you can be happy but you can’t always be both.   I would rather forgive others for what they do, than spend energy resenting others for causing me pain. In this way, I control how happy I am.  The more I practice living in peace the happier I am.

I’m not suggesting that you just turn the other cheek, let others walk over you.  Not at all.  The point is that your in control and whatever people say or do does not need to change your mindset.  If you remove the emotion, anger, resentment, rejection, feeling of lack from a situation all that is left is you. From that point you can communicate and share your thoughts in a manner that is constructive.   If the other people involved react differently so be it.  You can not control how others feel.   Don’t let it get you down.

 

Peaceful beach in Maui

Peaceful beach in Maui

 

Image provided by Douglas Hoffman

It is all to easy to get caught up in the moment of everyday life circumstance and think about what is not going well in your life. These people are living with a negative mindset. I bet that everyone reading this knows someone that is quick to blame others or get angry.  This is because placing blame rather than accepting what is real has become commonplace.  All too many people just go through the motions of living and do not actively participate in life. These people are living in a way that their past pain and circumstances influence the current life situation.

When people take responsibility for their own happiness and quality of life they accept their life circumstances, realize they cant control what others do but can control what they do, and how they feel. This is called living in the present moment and it provides a level of clarity which allows them to live in peace.  These people tend to think about what is going well in their life and have a positive mindset. When problems arise they work through them, and move on.  They do not dwell on the negative nor do they harbor animosity towards others.

I am not suggesting that people who have a positive attitude wont face challenges. Every human being alive has problems, issues, painful memories, expectations that were not met, e.t.c.  What I am saying is that a person with a positive mindset does not let these life circumstances make them hostile or angry.  They do not blame others but accept what is going on, then move on to resolve the situation.

So how does one get from living in the past and blaming others for things that occur in daily life to one who is living in the present and accepts what is going on now. The answers lie inside you.

What has worked for many people is to start meditating on a daily basis.  This helps clear the mind and heart.  Investing time to look inside and clean house enables you to remove negative emotions & painful memories. Accepting what has happened, and forgiving yourself and all those concerned is crucial to the process.   This acts as a giant eraser and removes all that stored negativity.  In that space you can now put in love and positive energy.

This sounds like a daunting exercise but once you start you will find that your feelings, attitudes, and behavior changes and before you no it you have transported yourself from past pain to living with love and peace in the present.

I went through this process in 2012, and it the result is a happier me. If I can do it.  Everybody can do it. So if your reading this and realize you have a negative mindset and want to change go for it.  You have nothing to lose but negativity and past pain.

Today spend some time cleaning your room and house.  Get rid of things that don’t use or need anymore.  Lighten your load.  Give old clothes and household items to the less fortunate people in your community. There are people out there with less than you, and they will appreciate your kindness and generosity. Remember giving without expectation of return is true charity.

Do the same thing with yourself.  Take some time to look inside your heart.  Throw away the memories and pain that does not serve you. Why take the past into the coming year. Just let it go.  Acknowledge those feelings and then discard them.  There is no reason to store them anymore.

In this way you can start the new year fresh, and with a new perspective and outlook. You are now in a positive mindset and living with love and peace

I know this works because I have done it. As a result I am much happier, and grateful for all that I have.  I and all those around me notice the difference in my outlook, attitude, and behavior.  If I can do this I know everyone can do it too.  So if your house is a mess – clean it up!  You will be glad you did.