Archives for category: divorce

Sometimes life circumstance creates stress, pressure, and self doubt.  When this happens take a self inventory.   Write down all that is good in your life.  All that you are grateful for and what qualities you have that you like.  Then write down all that is wrong.  Then compare the list.  Once done you will likely find out there is more good than bad.  You will also see the areas you need to concentrate on.  This will help you get moving forward.

Have a great day everyone!Image

 

 

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There has never been a better time to make things happen.  Rather than just go through the repetition of daily life, create the life you want in your mind and envision it. Believe in it. Each day take at least one action to help pave the way to get the life you want.  Where your mindset takes you, results will show and you will achieve it.  This kind of positive attitude and energy attacks like energy.

If you want a new relationship prepare for it in your mind and heart, then take some action to make it happen.  This could be anything from signing up to take a class, volunteering at a charity that you like, joining a club or group that you have an interest in. You might even consider joining match.com or other popular online dating services.  The point is to make it possible to meet people.

If you are in a relationship that is going nowhere, but you feel its better than the unknown, then you might want to consider facing the issues and dealing with them, or ending the relationship so that you can thrive.  Divorce is scary, but fear is the mind killer.   Face the fear and all that is left is you.   Sometimes long term relationships don’t work.   It’s sad but true.  The reality is that you don’t have to settle for less than you want or deserve.

If your a parent make this the year you spend quality time just being with your children. They grow so fast and soon enough are gone.   Make the most of it.  Give them your time and love and they will grow up well.

If you have an idea for a business.   Explore it.  Do the leg work.  You will never know if it is a great idea unless you do the research.  If you get a set back accept it and then determine how to get around it.   If your passionate and determined there is no obstacle you can’t overcome.

Life is for believing, creating, contributing,  loving, and enjoying.  Life is a blessing and not a curse. So for it!

Wishing you all love and peace….

the path to peace

the path to peace

 

This photo was provided by Maui Photo Tours and Douglas Hoffman.

It is all to easy to get caught up in the moment of everyday life circumstance and think about what is not going well in your life. These people are living with a negative mindset. I bet that everyone reading this knows someone that is quick to blame others or get angry.  This is because placing blame rather than accepting what is real has become commonplace.  All too many people just go through the motions of living and do not actively participate in life. These people are living in a way that their past pain and circumstances influence the current life situation.

When people take responsibility for their own happiness and quality of life they accept their life circumstances, realize they cant control what others do but can control what they do, and how they feel. This is called living in the present moment and it provides a level of clarity which allows them to live in peace.  These people tend to think about what is going well in their life and have a positive mindset. When problems arise they work through them, and move on.  They do not dwell on the negative nor do they harbor animosity towards others.

I am not suggesting that people who have a positive attitude wont face challenges. Every human being alive has problems, issues, painful memories, expectations that were not met, e.t.c.  What I am saying is that a person with a positive mindset does not let these life circumstances make them hostile or angry.  They do not blame others but accept what is going on, then move on to resolve the situation.

So how does one get from living in the past and blaming others for things that occur in daily life to one who is living in the present and accepts what is going on now. The answers lie inside you.

What has worked for many people is to start meditating on a daily basis.  This helps clear the mind and heart.  Investing time to look inside and clean house enables you to remove negative emotions & painful memories. Accepting what has happened, and forgiving yourself and all those concerned is crucial to the process.   This acts as a giant eraser and removes all that stored negativity.  In that space you can now put in love and positive energy.

This sounds like a daunting exercise but once you start you will find that your feelings, attitudes, and behavior changes and before you no it you have transported yourself from past pain to living with love and peace in the present.

I went through this process in 2012, and it the result is a happier me. If I can do it.  Everybody can do it. So if your reading this and realize you have a negative mindset and want to change go for it.  You have nothing to lose but negativity and past pain.

 

The ebb and flow of tide

The ebb and flow of tide

What you believe in your heart affects how you act and feel about yourself.  If you have faith in yourself and believe that you can achieve your goals your conscious and subconscious mind will respond. You will take action and work towards getting what you envision. That does not mean you won’t have set backs, and challenges you will, but you will overcome them and ultimately achieve what you set out to do.   This  applies to relationships just as much as it does for you career.  Keep the faith!

 

Polipoli trail copy

As the new year is upon us it makes sense to take some time to think about our goals, dreams, and what were grateful for.  It is also the perfect time to look within and release negative emotions, memories, and pain.  To do this acknowledge that these negative emotions exist, and identify who or what caused them then from your heart let it go and forgive them.  You can also forgive yourself.

Once able to adopt an attitude of forgiveness and acceptance your attitudes and reactions to life circumstance change. You will find yourself happy, and other people will notice.  Little things will no longer cause stress and anxiety because you will accept what is and then take the necessary actions. This is called living in the moment.

As you begin this year keep in mind you can right or you can be happy.  Which do you choose.

2013 was the most challenging year of my life. It was also a very good year in that I learned a lot about myself. As 2013, is about to end, I want to say how grateful I am for all the support I have received from friends and family.  This year I learned about forgiveness, acceptance, awareness, and how important it is to live each day and not dwell on the past or fear the future.   I live in the present, plan for the future, and forgive the past.

I begin 2014 as a divorced father of two, and look forward to working with my ex in order to raise our girls with love. I am so fortunate that we ended our marriage in a fair and friendly manner, which will serve us both well as we move forward in our lives.  I wish every success in her career and happiness in her life.

I plan to continue writing this blog with the desire to be of service to other people and to share my insight, stories, and thoughts about life, love, and living in peace.

Happy new year everyone!

Wishing everyone a year full of love and peace

Wishing everyone a year full of love and peace

 

Ending a relationship is not like going to the dentist where you typically get a shot to cover the pain, and an hour later walk out smiling. Its not like doing the end of year tax returns where you night be inclined to drink a shot to cover the pain. It is the dark night that precedes the dawn.  All humor aside what I want to share is that it is better to accept that what you had is over than it is to live an unhappy life.

I have heard several reasons why people stay in relationships that are not working; because they Know what to expect, the devil they know is better than the one they don’t, they are afraid of being alone, and they don’t feel comfortable entering the dating scene.  Seems to me these people are surviving not really living.   To be alive is to feel vital, to be a part of something, to have passion, to feel wanted, and to welcome the coming of another day.

So how to deal with ending a relationship.  This is what I did.  I accepted it.  I accepted responsibility for my part, forgave myself for the mistakes I made, the things I did wrong, and the things I did not do.  I also forgave my partner for any and all pain caused. I realized that the past is over, and all that really matters is now.  So I decided to clean out my heart.  Turns out it is a lot like cleaning a closet.  There were some things I had to get rid of as well as others I needed to brush off and put back on the shelf. In the end all the things that were no longer useful to my life were removed. As it happened this created space to let light, love, peace, and tranquility enter and I am much better for it.

My advice for others having turmoil in their relationship is to face it, deal with it, pass through it, and rediscover your vitality and enthusiasm for life. Who knows you might save the relationship in the process.  If not, your certainly saving yourself from a life of just going through the motions.  Either way your better off.

When a long term relationship ends people always say they are sorry. While it seems to be an appropriate response, one might also say congratulations. The reason being what you had is over and now the healing can take place.  This is a process that includes forgiving your partner as well as yourself and learning to manage your ego.

Contrary to public opinion it does not have to take a long time to be able to forgive. However, as long as people cling to their pain they are anchored in the past and are not be able to live in the present. Being present is the key to love and peace.  We have all heard that the past is over, the future has not happened yet, and now is all we have. That is why the present is a gift.  Well those words are true.  The way one gets from having pain and living in the past to erasing the pain and living in the present is through forgiveness.

What is required to heal, is a change of attitude in your heart, mind, and soul.   As soon as that happens, just like a switch being turned on you will see the light. True forgiveness gets rid of all the pain.  It allows for love and peace to enter. Where there was once negative energy now positive energy can enter. This will change your entire mindset.

Speaking of mindset, the way to stay in a peaceful and happy state  is to manage your ego. To do this you need to become aware when your ego starts stirring up emotions inside.  During these moments it is common to feel something going on in the body.  It may feel subtle like butterflies in your tummy or or it could pronounced like the onset of acid reflux, but what it is, is your ego waking up and starting to take control.  The best way to keep that from happening is to be present enough that at the moment you realize their is an emotional feeling stirring you recognize it.  Just the knowing that the ego wants to unleash itself, is enough that you actually remove its power. Think of the feeling as an alarm clock or light switch and turn it off.

So now you have gone from dwelling in the past, to living in the present and can live the life you deserve. A life of love and peace.

Remember that having pent up anger, frustration, and other emotions hidden in the confines of your heart serves no purpose and is like carrying  around old emotional baggage. As long as it is in your heart it will recreate itself as often as possible and affect your behavior, and happiness.  When you recognize what you felt (past) and are able to let it go, surrender to what is real (now), and  not give in to what exists in your mind of what if’s….. (Future),  you will be in control of your life and emotions.

Rather than live in a shallow pool of negativity, dive deep into the ocean of hope and possibility. When your heart is full of love and peace it attracts the same thing.  When you love yourself, it shows and serves to attract love. So rather then feel down that your relationship as ended.  Celebrate it for the good times, and move on.  Know that when your ready, someone new will come into your life.

 

waterfall

The water in this river flows from point A to B.  Along the way it passes through calm periods, and rapids.  Life is the same way.  We have periods where everything seems to go smooth, then other times when problems are ever-present  This is the nature of life.

On the river there are places called holes.  This where a small body of water stops flowing and stays in one place.  There are often currents that spin the water round and round called eddies.   Other times the current stops and the water just stands and stagnates.  This is another good metaphor that explains life.  Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we seem to go nowhere. Only by changing our state of mind, how we feel, and how we interact with others can we get unstuck, and move forward on our journey.

Just like the river has rocks and obstacles, so do we.  We have speed bumps, work and relationship issues, financial worries, health issues, and community problems that rise up from out of nowhere.  By facing these issues and working through them, the dissipate and lead us into periods of calm, beauty, and love.

flowershadowfor bolgLife contains periods of light and darkness. Mixed in among them are the shadows.   Photographers and artists love the shadows as it is the shadows that create contrast, dimension, depth, feeling, and emotion in paintings and photographs.  They are key elements to effective story telling.

Shadows have another meaning when thinking about the ego, human behavior, and emotions.   In this sense there are feelings, and emotions stored inside, that may affect how you deal with and respond to what is happening in your current life experience. These are hidden emotions  which can be the catalyst that promote self doubt, lack of confidence, anger, resentment, poor decision making, e.t.c..  The good news is that if we are aware and living in the moment, shadows serve to help us recognize our emotions stirring.

Recognizing these feelings as they are happening provides us the opportunity to deal with our issues in a positive manner serving the needs of everyone involved.  The alternative is to let the emotions inside awaken the ego and allow it to take control. When this happens things are often said and done in reaction without having taken a moment to think things through.