Archives for posts with tag: anger

Why let other people dictate your state of mind?  When you have expectations from others often times you will be disappointed.  You cant control what other people, think, say, or do, but you can control what you do, think, and feel.  So do yourself a favor and think happy thoughts, and this will create a mindset of happiness.  Start each day by reminding yourself of all the good thinks you have in your life, end each day by thinking about what you are grateful for.  These two things will help shape your attitude.

It is all to easy for us to think about what is wrong with our individual realities. When we do this we dwell in a pool of negativity.  My relationship with my spouse is in turmoil, my finances are a mess, my health is poor, my job does not satisfy me, and the list goes on.

When we make the effort to think about all the aspects of our lives that are good, we put ourselves in the mindset of positivity.  This is the space we need to be in to live with joy, peace, tranquility, understanding, acceptance, and allows us to set goals, and work toward them.

For example, I am getting divorced.  Rather than dwell on the negative emotions that come up,and they do, I choose to think forward in that I know once the process is over both my spouse and I will be able to move on with our lives and live with love and peace. We will put aside our differences and concentrate on doing what is best for our kids.

I am making a conscious decision to be happy and not live with negativity.  I do not want to carry around a bundle of negativity on my back as I go through each day. I want to thrive and feel vital.

Everyone can do this as it is not rocket science.  It is a matter of attitude and desire.   As I write this I am thinking of the old charlie brown cartoon and the kid that drags around the old stinky blanket and has clouds of dust following him everywhere.

Wishing you all a great day, filled with love and peace.

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Can you imagine that in a single instant all that you love is taken away.  Your freedom, your family, your career, your money, your wife or husband, your children, your passion, your joy, your fun, your health, & your reputation gone in the blink of an eye. It sounds like a nightmare doesn’t it. But sadly it can and does happen every day. All over the world people are stricken with disease, or put in prison regardless of guilt.

What would you do?  How would you live. Would you be angry, resentful, scared, anxious.  Would you be able to forgive yourself or others? Would you be able to find joy in just being alive? How would you cope with all you have lost?

Could you learn to tolerate living in close proximity with murderers, rapists, human traffickers, thieves as well as rats, mice, mosquitoes, and spiders? Could you handle being surrounded by people that speak a foreign language, or the feeling of being all alone? How would you adapt to living behind bars never seeing the sun, stars, or moon, eating only rice and gruel,  being confined to a small cell,  not being allowed to call loved ones, not playing with your children?

Would you reject god as a result of your circumstance. Would anger and contempt fill your heart and days? Or, would you embrace god, and look within to find faith, hope, forgiveness, acceptance, and love?  Would you make peace with yourself and loved ones? Would you be able to resolve long standing conflicts or would you take those feelings to the grave?

These are hard questions, yet the answers are even harder. They require one to be very conscious and think beyond their ego and mind by using their heart.  It would be all too easy to blame others or even God.  Or, say to one’s self there is no God because a good God would never put me in this situation.

These are questions I have had to answer.  I was detained and am not able to share the details. However, I can say that I realized that what happened to me was not the end of my life but actually the beginning. I was given the opportunity to get my life in order. So, I decided to make the most of my time and rediscover my true self.

I wrote this entry not to recant my life story but rather to inspire people to think about life and how to live with love and peace. So how would you feel if you lost everything in the blink of an eye?  What would you do?

 

Sometimes people that care about you might give you unasked for advice.  If you can control your ego and not get upset, you might just learn something valuable.  If you can’t stay present in the moment, your ego will wake up and you will likely feel rejection, frustration, anxiety, fear, sense of loss, or anger. These emotions will not serve you well.

If your not in the frame of mind to take the advice, just listen and let it come in one ear and go out the other.  In this case a response like ” is that so” will show that you have listened and is not negative.  It shows that you respect the other persons intent but are not into pursuing the topic.

Remember this – only you can control your emotions.  Do not give that power away.  IF you let others dictate how you feel  the result will be pain.

Lastly remember you get more flies with honey……..

Hopefully this unasked for advice will help you live with love and peace.

 

Aloha

Have you ever tried giving advice with the best of intentions to another person and their response was based on frustration and anger, rather than appreciation for the fact that you cared and wanted to help improve a particular situation.   Sadly this occurs quite a bit. The reason is because each person has an ego.

Our egos lie dormant inside us and awaken when we feel emotions like pain, rejection, frustration, anger, resentment. When advice is given, it triggers one or more of these emotions, and just like that ego responds before a person is even aware that it is happening.  The ego loves drama, in fact it feed upon it.

When you give advice and the recipient responds with a verbal attack, one of the best things to do is to just be present in the moment.  Accept how they feel, and what they say.  Don’t feed the fire.  If you feel emotional surges based on their response and don’t let it go, your ego will awaken and the situation will only escalate.

Another way to offer advice is to choose your words very carefully.  Make sure to be as neutral and supportive as possible.  Words carry impact, and some words are stronger than others.  So by selecting words that do not light a fuse will help you communicate and not cause an eruption from the other person.

The other thing to remember is the old saying opinions are like ass holes – everybody has one….

Hopefully this advice will be well received and enable you to live with love and peace.

 

Aloha

Many people are afraid of change. They are happy with the status quo and do not want to test unchartered waters.  They know the problems they have, and think it’s better to deal with is known rather than the unknown.    Sound familiar?
The truth is that without change we stagnate.  Doing the same ol same ol, is like going in circles.  You are busy doing, but never arriving, and always end up right where you started.  That is hardly a recipe for success or a fulfilled life. In a way it is like living in the past.  The personal and emotional  issues you have are like a still pool that lies adjacent to a flowing river.
The truth is people need to grow to thrive.  That does not mean one should plunder ahead with care free abandon. Rather it means one should evaluate where they have been, where they are now, and where they want to be.
So take some time and look backwards.  Determine what action, behavior, and attitudes you have that work, as well as those that don’t.  Keep the things that serve you and get rid of the things that don’t.  In some cases past pain might be lingering in your heart and subconscious mind and these emotions resurface when you get angry, frustrated, let down, rejected, disrespected, feel loss or lack, e.t.c.. This can only impact your current relationships in a negative way.
Remembering the events that caused the painful memories is the first step to letting them go. As the memories surface, recognize them, thank them, then release them.  This means you must forgive yourself and or the persons that caused the pain in the first place. We all experience these emotions as they are part of what it is to be human. That does not mean we need to hold on to them.
Once the negative emotional baggage is gone there is space for positive emotions and memories to enter.  These emotions will serve you well and only enhance your current and future relationships and behavior.
When negative thoughts and memories don’t influence your behavior, your able to live in the present and act and react in ways that swerve your higher self and the higher good of all you come into contact with.  This is a refreshing and wonderful change and allows one to live with love and peace rather than frustration and anger.

Many people around the world have seen the movie about a fish named Nemo.   For some reason the movie entered my mind while taking a walk this morning.  It occurred to me that Nemo, started life living free.  Not long after being born he suffered the loss of his mother and was raised by his loving father. While growing up Nemo received a lot of love, but at the same time his father was a bit over protective as he  feared losing Nemo.  But as any child grows eventually they feel a need to test their boundaries and explore their world. While doing so, Nemo made mistakes and one of them was to be captured and whisked away to live to in a small fish take. As his freedom was taken away the little fish did not give up hope, and knew one day he would regain his rightful freedom.

Nemos father was heart broken, and felt guilty, but nevertheless he was determined to find his son.  He had an incredible amount of faith, hope, and belief. So he set out to find Nemo.  During the journey he encountered many dangers, trials and tribulations. But he was relentless in his goal. Sure enough his patience and dedication paid off and indeed he was reunited with his son.

It occurred to me that besides being a great film, there were were many metaphors that be can applied to real life.  Many children grow up experienceing emotion pain, and loss, feelings of separation, anger, frustration, stress, anxiety, and low level of self esteem . These negative emotions tend to find a home in ones ego and come back to haunt them later in life.  But it is possible to overcome negative emotions and pain from the past by forgiveness, acceptance, and living in the moment. As one overcomes these problems, they develop a high sens of self esteem and are able to go out into the world and let their creativity, skill, talent, and love of life shine.  Maintaining a strong sense of hope, belief, and faith enable one to set and achieve goals and not succumb to peer and social pressures.

All humans make mistakes.  That is part of our nature and how we learn.  Nemo made a mistake but he was not identified by them.  He learned from them and is known for his good heart, faith in himself, hope, and love.  The same is true for us.  We are not our mistakes but rather the essence of what is in our heart, souls, internal beliefs, and values.While Nemo experienced doubt and fear, he did not let that rule his life.  Neither should we.

So this little fish teaches us all many valuable life  lessons an enables us to live a life of love and peace.

Last night something bad happened.  All the things I have been studying, practicing,and living evaded me. For a moment my ego took over,and negative emotions, and anger surfaced. I was provoked, but I know better. Things almost got ugly. I felt the flight or fight emotion take over and by the grace of god, I had the power to hold back.

Afterwards, I could not sleep.  My heat was pounding and my mind was racing. I spent the time reflecting on what happened. I realized it was a great lesson.  I have read countless books, meditated hundreds of times, and I realized I have a ways to go. I am human and make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and not repeat them.

What I realized is that it takes diligence and focus to stay in the moment and call upon inner knowledge and strength rather than react in the heat of the moment. I forgot that I cant expect anyone to treat me with the same love and respect I have for others.  And, it is up to me to control my emotions.

In the morning I continued thinking about the incident and I forgave myself, and the people involved.  They however did not forgive me.  It is not in their nature as they are filled with hate and anger.  This is reality.  I accept it and surrender to what is.  I regret my behavior but learned a lot about myself.

The point I am trying to share is that having the best of intentions to live with love and peace is good, but doing it all the time is another.  When mistakes are made, we should learn from them and not repeat them.  This is easier said than done.

There are people that are frustrated, discourteous, rude, selfish, full of hate, and anger. When these people come into my proximity, I used to pick up on their feelings and soon I felt them too.  I did not like the way I felt and decided to manage my feelings.  I realized I could not be responsible for other peoples behavior but I could manage mine.

So I decided that when someone acted in a way that affected my happiness I would change the way I see them as well as hear them.  I envisioned their heads changing shapes into a watermelon, raisin, and even a rat. I changed their voice to into a cartoon character.  Depending on the person I chose the voice  of the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoon, or the voice of  the dog in the Scooby Doo cartoon.  As a result nothing these people say bothers me, and I just smile.  My happiness remains, and that helps me live with love and peace.

So I invite you to try this idea, and think of things that make you smile. It just might help you manage your anger too.

I realize that what I feel inside controls my happiness.Fortunately most of the time my feelings are happy.  I love life, and being alive.  I feel joy in watching the sky and observing nature. Still sometimes as a result of my current circumstance, I am exposed to people that are angry, frustrated, full of hate, and have no respect. When this happens my feelings trigger my ego and my behavior changes and I feel frustration.  I have decided to try something new when this happens again.  I will visualize the people acting this way as animated objects and how they would appear if looking into a distorted mirror at an amusement park.  I will see their heads as big as watermelon, and their mouths as small as a green pea.  The same kind that was put under the princesses bed in a famous children’s story. Hopefully this will make me laugh or smile and forget about the negativity that is coming my way. Only I can control how I feel and I strive not to allow others to change my attitude.

I hope this technique works and hope that others might benefit from thinking silly thoughts to maintain their state of mind and enable them to live with love and peace.

Blessings to all and as always your thoughts and comments are welcome

Dear self,

I understand that sometimes it’s hard to live with love and peace in your heart. But you have to accept that doing anything else is self defeating.   Being angry only feeds your ego, and the result is that you behave in a manner that is not beneficial to you, or anyone else. Your ego thrives on hate, resentment, & frustration then turns that energy into negative emotion, behavior, and thoughts.  The result is that you respond to situations in a negative way.

Consider this the next time things don’t go according to your preference.  As a human being we experience emotions.  We tend to store negative feelings deep within ourselves where they linger and surface later when we experience more negative emotions.  These feelings become amplified, and our ego uses the power to control the mind and behavior.  As a result you will like behave in a manner that you will regret later.  Your actions will not serve you and will affect your relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

There is another way, one that serves your higher self and all those around you.  The next time you feel yourself getting angry because of your life situation accept that your feelings and be grateful for them.  Accept what is going on, and realize that it is what it is.  Let the feelings flow through you and they will go away.  Realize that you can’t control how other people think or act, and you can only control how you feel, think, and act.  Now, you have the power to rise above negative emotions and take control of your life.

It is far better to be happy than mad and feel joy rather than frustration.  When others see you accept what is going on and not reacting with anger, perhaps they will start to understand and look within themselves to release their inner happiness and let go of their hate and frustrations.  In this way you can make a difference not only in how you live but set an example for others.  If everyone were to live with love and peace in their heart there would be no reason to hate, fight, or create conflict.  As time goes by this change in perspective and behavior would change the mindset of society and eliminate the need for conflict and especially war.