Archives for posts with tag: emotions

There are many definitions of freedom.  Having the right to vote, practice religion, e.t.c…  Perhaps just as important but seldom spoke of is not caring what other people think about you.  We can’t control what other people do, say, and think, so why let it cause frustration and anxiety.  Why let ego create drama and turmoil in our minds and relationships, when we can just accept people are free to think what they will. We don’t have to like it, but in order to live with love, peace, and happiness rather than anger, frustrations, and resentment we need to accept it.

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Many people carry around emotional baggage that contains pain, resentment, and anger. This keeps them living in shadows of the past. What would happen if people learned and practiced forgiveness and love? I believe rays of light would illuminate their lives and remove the darkness.

tranquil stream

tranquil stream

 

Are you stuck in  relationship or job thats join nowhere?  Why do you stay?  Is it because the evil you know is better than the evil you don’t? Or is it that your afraid of rejection or that you won’t find something better?  Sometimes a low self esteem is what blocks us.  Somehow we feel that were no worthy of a better relationship or job. Other times it’s that you’ve been in it for so long you are comfortable even though not 100% content.  Whatever the reason, what is holding you back is you.  You need to change that in order to succeed & thrive.

Old Man Wisdom cruising over the reef.

Old Man Wisdom cruising over the reef.

Yes, this seems easier said than done.  However once you make a decision and are committed to it, change can be empowering and make you feel good.   After all your taking action to improve your situation.  Where energy flows, results often show.  So embrace the changes that you know need to be made to enable you to live the life you desire.  The process takes time and energy but it does work and you can create the life of your dreams. Some the things you will go through will not be fun. However they will pass and in the end you remain.

This turtle image was provided by Douglas Hoffman.

flowershadowfor bolgLife contains periods of light and darkness. Mixed in among them are the shadows.   Photographers and artists love the shadows as it is the shadows that create contrast, dimension, depth, feeling, and emotion in paintings and photographs.  They are key elements to effective story telling.

Shadows have another meaning when thinking about the ego, human behavior, and emotions.   In this sense there are feelings, and emotions stored inside, that may affect how you deal with and respond to what is happening in your current life experience. These are hidden emotions  which can be the catalyst that promote self doubt, lack of confidence, anger, resentment, poor decision making, e.t.c..  The good news is that if we are aware and living in the moment, shadows serve to help us recognize our emotions stirring.

Recognizing these feelings as they are happening provides us the opportunity to deal with our issues in a positive manner serving the needs of everyone involved.  The alternative is to let the emotions inside awaken the ego and allow it to take control. When this happens things are often said and done in reaction without having taken a moment to think things through.

Sometimes a situation presents itself where you have to make a choice.  You can let something go and be happy.  Or you can be right and end up being unhappy.  This is true for relationships, business, raising children, and how you think.   In this last example, I am referring to self esteem, state of mind, and positive thinking.

If you think your going to fail at something, you are programming your self not to succeed. If you think think your not worthy of getting a promotion, you will probably wont.  At the same time if you think you can achieve your goals you will.   How you feel about yourself will set off a chain of events that will follow your mindset and inner beliefs.  How you perceive yourself  affects the outcome of all your endeavors.  So you can set yourself up to succeed or fail.  The choice is yours.

If you think your not worthy of having a relationship, guess what your relationship will crumble.  So in a sense you will be right, but will you be happy.  What I am suggesting is that it is better to be happy than to be right.   Everyone is worthy of having a relationship, of getting the promotion.  But it requires belief in yourself and having self esteem.

If you lack self esteem rather than look back at what you have done wrong or failed to do.  Look back at all the things you have succeeded at and draw from that. It could be as simple as winning a chess game, or having had one incredible sale at work, or the time you dated someone special.

Another example is how you relate to people that have done you wrong.  As an example, when I was detained in in a third world country, a man kept stealing from me.  I knew he did it, in fact he even admitted doing it, all the while with a big grin on his face.  He had no respect for me.  I had the choice.  I could be right and tell on him or get in his face or even resort to violence, but what would that accomplish.  I would be right but would I be happy.  Violence is never a good option and more harm comes from it. If I went to the authorities, I would be right but what of the ramifications that would certainly come back to me. I am not saying that it is better to just let others walk over you. In this situation I felt it best to just let it go and surrender to what is.   The result is that my anger went away and I was happy. I knew that my time in that place would come to an end and these problems were not life threatening.  And, I remembered the saying that this too shall pass.  I also realized that I could not change this persons behavior, nor did I want to try. We each have to follow our own paths and in this case I chose the way of less resistance and hostility. I am happy that the problems did not get out of hand.

I am sure those of you reading this have had situations arise that that you had to make a choice to be right or to be happy.  IF your willing to share your experience, I would love to read about it.

I am in process of divorce, and was married for over 18 years.  I really thought I knew my wife but it turns out I did not know who she really was until now.  Over the last few years we had problems communicating, in that we did not really talk about us, or the problems that existed under the surface.  I will not bash my spouse by saying bad things, but I will say this.  I never knew who she really was until we separated. The things she has done have shocked me to the core. It has made me realize the truth in the old saying that hell have no fury like that of a woman scorned.  I feel as if my heart as been in a blender and shredded.

My sister and I are very close and she said to me recently you never really know a person until you get divorced and for a woman who has never married, she sure got that right.  That said I wish she was wrong.  Seeing the side of my wife that was foreign to me did not bring any peace or happiness to either of us, just anxiety and turmoil.  I do not mean to infer I was blameless in our marriage.  I take responsibility for the fact I was not perfect, did not listen well enough, tolerated the lack of communication, and settled instead of trying to improve the situation.  I admit I had fears of being alone and did not want to raise our kids in a divorced family.  Now I know better.  I am dealing with being on my own, and it does not scare me.  I will always love my kids, and do all I can to spend time with them, and support them.  While growing up in a broken home will be hard, I will make sure they know they are loved.  I will not talk stink about their mother, and even though we have our issues, I will show my support for her as much as possible.  Even though we are almost divorced I wish her every success.

My advice for people having problems in their marriage is this.  Learn to surrender and forgive as it erases old buried pain and anger that has been growing beneath the surface.  Let it go as much as you can and concentrate on the life in front of you and not what has already transpired.  The past is over. To live in the past is to live in pain. If you have kids.  Leave them out of it.  Both parents should avoid saying bad things about the other to the kids, even if they are true, as it will have long term affects on the kids and your relationships with them.  Leave out guilt, Don’t try to get  even. Rise above the hate and anger, and concentrate on making the now better, to ensure a good future.

When you live in the present moment you are acknowledging what is, rather than what was or will be. Being present is the only way to control your feelings and emotions. When you do this your ego disappears.  When you start dwelling on your past and future issues or problems your ego is awakened and acts with vigor to rule your actions and behavior.  This can and does have negative repercussions.  So live in the moment and control your happiness.

I have been away from my kids for over 9 months and wanted them to know what is in my heart, so I sent them this letter today.  They are 4 and 9 years old.  I love them so.

Dear Hana and Aya,

I wanted to let you know some things about love and life

Love – For me this means the way I feel about the two of you.  It’s the feeling in my heart and soul that says you are the most important things in my life.  It is you and Aya that give my life meaning, joy, happiness, peace, fun, commitment, respect, understanding, compassion, trust, forgiveness,  and so much more.  It is if you are the beautiful light that lives within a rainbow or, like you are the stars that light up the night sky. When I look at your photographs or simply think about you girls, I feel such pride, and joy that it could fill the ocean.

Like – I like ice cream, Mexican food, daddy nachos, walking in nature, looking at beautiful sunsets, pretty landscapes, cold drinks on a hot day, fresh garden salads, and watching good movies.

There is a difference between like and love. I cannot live without love but I can live without like.  Of course I do not want to live without the things I like, but the truth is I can’t enjoy life without you two girls. The feeling of love for you both is so strong and big that it makes wonderful things like ice cream and Mexican food not as important. I hope this makes sense to you. Your mom feels the same way as she loves you girls so very much.  That is what parents do.  They love their children.

Sometimes however the love parents have for each other changes.  Sometimes they fall out of love.  Other times the love changes and becomes something new.  This is what has happened between your mom and me.  Our love has changed.  Your mother wants to change our relationship to be true to her inner feelings.

I respect your mom and truly want her to make her life all that she desires, even if it means we are no longer man and wife. I will always love your mom and am proud of her.  I believe with all my heart we will be friends, and as such will work together to raise you girls will love. Just because the love your mom and I have changes, does not mean the love each of has for you will change.  It will not.  We will both continue to love you girls will all our hearts.  That I can promise.

This time that I have been away has been hard for you.  It has been hard on your mom and myself. But this period will end and soon I will be home.  I cant wait.  I am so excited to see you girls.  There are so many things I want to do with you guys but most of all I just want to be with you. I am very proud of you.

I have changed a lot since I have been gone.  Just like you have grown so have I. Your minds have developed and you have gotten taller.  I on the other hand have grown on the inside in my heart. I think of what I have been through as a great change and rebirth just like a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.  A caterpillar starts as an insect that crawls.  Then nature tells it that it’s time to go into a cacoon and it changes completely. After a time the butterfly comes out of the shell and flaps its wings and takes flight.  It is more beautiful than it was before.

While I am not an insect, I have gone through great changes inside, and once free of this place I will flap my new wings and come home a new and better daddy.  Some of things that you did not like about me are gone.  I am no longer a person that gets angry easily.  I have learned patience, forgiveness, understanding, and the true meaning of love.   I have thought about you girls, a well as your mom, and my family.  I am at peace and living with love in my heart.  The problems that were once here have gone.

I cant wait to show you the new me.  But you will have to look carefully because unlike the butterfly I did not change how I look on the outside, just how I think and feel on the inside.

All my love daddy

There are people that are frustrated, discourteous, rude, selfish, full of hate, and anger. When these people come into my proximity, I used to pick up on their feelings and soon I felt them too.  I did not like the way I felt and decided to manage my feelings.  I realized I could not be responsible for other peoples behavior but I could manage mine.

So I decided that when someone acted in a way that affected my happiness I would change the way I see them as well as hear them.  I envisioned their heads changing shapes into a watermelon, raisin, and even a rat. I changed their voice to into a cartoon character.  Depending on the person I chose the voice  of the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoon, or the voice of  the dog in the Scooby Doo cartoon.  As a result nothing these people say bothers me, and I just smile.  My happiness remains, and that helps me live with love and peace.

So I invite you to try this idea, and think of things that make you smile. It just might help you manage your anger too.

I am so thankful and grateful that so many people are reading and liking my blog entries. I started writing to be of service and to inspire people to live with love and peace.  For me it is a way to as the saying goes, “pay it forward”.  I have written about 50 posts and have received positive feedback from many people.  Writing has become part of my routine and I enjoy thinking of ways to share what I have learned that have had a positive impact on the quality of my life and those that I am in contact with. I have learned that the more you give the more you receive.

May you all live with love and peace.