Archives for posts with tag: fear

So there I was sitting in the back yard talking on the phone. The wind was blowing and my attention went up towards the limbs of the mango tree I was under. At that moment  I saw the spider.  I had a choice to react with fear or not.  I could have simply killed it, as that would have removed the threat.  Instead, I decided to face my fear and let it pass through me. Once I did that I saw the spider in a different light.  I watched the spider ride out the wind in the safety of its web. The web while made up of  many thin strands was up to the task and it jerked in the wind but the spider held fast.

I have no idea if the spider was simply riding out the wind so it could repair bits of the web if the wind somehow managed to damage it, or if the spider was using the wind to catch prey in the web.  What did occur to me was that the spider just wanted to live. It wanted security, food, and perhaps a mate to share the tree with and raise little spiders.   And so a transformation occurred I no longer was afraid of the spider, now I had compassion for it.

Fear is not the enemy but really a friend telling you what you have to face and pass through

The spider is no doubt creepy.  But it is serves as a good metaphor for those things in life that cause us fear. Once we face our fears all that remains is us.  We have the ability to look at things and situations in a different light.  We can make decisions based on information rather than emotion and this serves our higher sense of purpose.

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Many people around the world have seen the movie about a fish named Nemo.   For some reason the movie entered my mind while taking a walk this morning.  It occurred to me that Nemo, started life living free.  Not long after being born he suffered the loss of his mother and was raised by his loving father. While growing up Nemo received a lot of love, but at the same time his father was a bit over protective as he  feared losing Nemo.  But as any child grows eventually they feel a need to test their boundaries and explore their world. While doing so, Nemo made mistakes and one of them was to be captured and whisked away to live to in a small fish take. As his freedom was taken away the little fish did not give up hope, and knew one day he would regain his rightful freedom.

Nemos father was heart broken, and felt guilty, but nevertheless he was determined to find his son.  He had an incredible amount of faith, hope, and belief. So he set out to find Nemo.  During the journey he encountered many dangers, trials and tribulations. But he was relentless in his goal. Sure enough his patience and dedication paid off and indeed he was reunited with his son.

It occurred to me that besides being a great film, there were were many metaphors that be can applied to real life.  Many children grow up experienceing emotion pain, and loss, feelings of separation, anger, frustration, stress, anxiety, and low level of self esteem . These negative emotions tend to find a home in ones ego and come back to haunt them later in life.  But it is possible to overcome negative emotions and pain from the past by forgiveness, acceptance, and living in the moment. As one overcomes these problems, they develop a high sens of self esteem and are able to go out into the world and let their creativity, skill, talent, and love of life shine.  Maintaining a strong sense of hope, belief, and faith enable one to set and achieve goals and not succumb to peer and social pressures.

All humans make mistakes.  That is part of our nature and how we learn.  Nemo made a mistake but he was not identified by them.  He learned from them and is known for his good heart, faith in himself, hope, and love.  The same is true for us.  We are not our mistakes but rather the essence of what is in our heart, souls, internal beliefs, and values.While Nemo experienced doubt and fear, he did not let that rule his life.  Neither should we.

So this little fish teaches us all many valuable life  lessons an enables us to live a life of love and peace.

What is – is what is happening now.  Its the present moment.  What was is the past –  Its what has already happened. What shall be is the future  – and it has not happened yet

What is happening now for me at this moment is that my wife desires a divorce. I am considering her happiness as well as that of myself and our children. We have been married for almost 18 years, and while the last few have been challenging my mindset has been to try to work it out. Her mindset is that she is ready to move on and has a strong need to establish her own life and identity. I have to accept that because her feelings are real and I value them.  I am also thinking of our children and that I desire them to grow up knowing they are loved and not at fault for our problems.

I had allowed my past pain to trigger my ego and as a result the frustrations in our marriage made me angry. I know this is part of her reasons for wanting divorce. At the same time  she too has a past and it affected her behavior. I cannot change our pasts, or her way of thinking. But, I can change the way I act, and react.

It was a long process (6 months) that included forgiving my parents, myself, & my wife.  In addition I asked for forgiveness from them. It was like peeling the layers of an onion, and yes I did cry. For each pain that I removed (feelings of resentment, lack, anger, frustration) I created new space and filled it with love, compassion, acceptance, and peace. Now, I am a new man.

I still have a divorce to go through, but my mindset at present will enable me to do it with love.  I know that sounds a bit strange, but its true.  I really want us both to be happy.   I know that getting divorced with love will only serve to facilitate us working together to raise our children with love.

The divorce will be the end of my marriage but the beginning of something new.  A life filled with peace and love.

I do not know what the future will bring but I am manifesting love and am confidant that I will be be happy and that my children will grow up loved and well adjusted.

I know what I have learned about myself and about life will enable me to have a loving relationship when the time is right.

staying present in the moment is not always easy.  Our ego attempts to trick us and let pain and emotional baggage rule our behavior. When this happens anger, anxiety, frustration, fear of lack, abandonment, rule the day.  When these feelings start to surface the body feels it first.  For me its in my stomach.  When this happens I observe the emotion, and my ego waking up and say hello.  I recognize it then let it go. Once done it has no power over my state of mind or behavior. I can surrender to what is and return to the present moment and be at peace. This practice takes me from a negative place to a positive place.  It can work for everyone.  So Just do it.  You will be glad you did.