Archives for posts with tag: resentment

Have you ever watched a drop of water fall into a pool?  As it hits the surface it disappears and in its place ripples extend outward.  What once was a single drop is now a series of ever expanding rings. It’s a bit like a domino effect.

On a larger scale an underwater earthquake creates a tremendous amount of energy that often turns into a tsunami.  This is a large wave that powerful and travels as fast as five hundred miles an hour and travels vast distances where it drastically meets land.  In its wake is massive destruction of property and life.

In a similar way emotions can have the same effect.  When we experience something, we feel it. This is like the ripple caused by the drop of water. The emotion is felt in our bodies, mind, and soul.  This is true for positive and negative feelings. If were able to process the feelings and let them go little if any damage is done.

However, in the case of negative emotions like lack, fear, abandonment, rejection, and anger if were not able to process the feelings and let them pass through, the negativity is stored and sooner or later the tsunami comes and destroys our spirit, state of mind, and relationships. In this case the tsunami is actually our ego and it can be our own worst enemy.

The human ego feeds on negativity and loves to use it to control our actions and behavior whether we realize it or not. When something negative happens the stored energy erupts like a volcano and creates disharmony. Without realizing what is really happening we often lash out at the people that mean the most to us. The results can be devastating.  Relationships between parents and children, lovers, spouses and co-workers can be ruined beyond repair.

There is a way to avoid the cataclysmic events, and it is to manage ones emotions and feelings. This involves making a conscious effort to forgive yourself and others, to accept others feelings even if they are different from yours, to surrender to what is going on, and to stay present in the moment.

Accepting the situation is not giving up.  It is acknowledging that you can’t control the feelings and behavior of others.  That said you can control how you feel and act. This requires practice and patience. The ego is sneaky and will arise when you don’t expect it just like an earthquake. You will feel it coming to life as a stirring in your stomach.  This is the time to acknowledge it’s presence and say to yourself thank you and so long.  Once aware your ego is acting up, your living in the present moment and the ego cant function there. It lives with past pain and emotion and does not exist in the now.

If you make the decision to live with love and peace then you will not succumb to the power of the ego. But if you live with a lot of emotional baggage in your heart, sooner or later the tsunami will come.  The choice is yours.

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Today I had the pleasure of spending a few minutes with a small child.  She must have been around two years old, she had long black hair, dark eyes, dimples, and an incredible smile.  While it made me think of my girls and how much I love them, it also made me think about the innocence of youth.

Children are born innocent and depend on their parents for food, and love. They do not know about the world and trust instinctively trust adults will take care of them, guide them, and protect them.  As they grow they learn not just how to talk, walk, run, play, and interact with their family, they also learn how to act and how not to act.  They receive positive and negative reinforcement based on their actions and little by little learn right from wrong.

Children are also exposed to their parents and siblings behavior, and emotions including anger, resentment, frustration, feeling separate, fear, as well as love, joy, charity, faith, compassion, integrity, peace, empathy.  These impressions make their mark and are stored within their minds and hearts.

Soon enough, kids start preschool and have interaction with other kids and learn how to play, and are introduced to an extent to social rules and dagmas. When one kid wants a toy that the other has, or is mean to another child feelings of separation, jealousy, frustration are learned just as much as joy, fun, cooperation, and belonging. These are natural emotions and it’s good for children to start feeling them.

Sometimes the feelings kids have are strong and they come home from school and act out what they have experienced, as well as tell their parents what happened.  Things like Johnny took my toy and would not give it back, all the kids were teasing me and calling me names, or I hate Susie because she never listens to me….

As parents we need to listen and let the children know that these feelings are ok. These feelings are very real, and its important the children begin to see that emotions are signals as to what’s going on inside their bodies and minds.  This way they can begin to process the feelings and then let them go.

Many parents in this day and age have marital problems and the percentage that gets divorced is all too high. When kids see their parents fight they experience pain.  I am not suggesting that parents should fight in private but be aware that their actions can and do affect children. Parents fight about all kinds of things ranging from money, not sharing household responsibilities, drinking, sex, pressure, in-laws, promises not kept, and the list goes on.  Young children might not understand why their parents are fighting and assume the fight is about them.  Worse they could internalize values like lack, fear, anger, frustration and these feelings will be locked away in their minds only to resurface later when they are teenagers and adults. Thus it is important parents to be aware that their behavior is observed by their children.

When children hear their parents argue, it is not uncommon for them to have bad dreams. When this happens it’s a signal for parents to evaluate their behavior and take positive action. First they might look within themselves to identify the emotional baggage they carry from their past, acknowledge it  then forgive themselves and all involved. Next, they might want to consider couples counseling to work out their problems. Third they should communicate with their children and let them know the arguments were not about them and that they are loved.   This is an opportunity to teach the children about life.  The worst thing that can happen is that children grow up with negative feelings in their hearts as this pain will resurface later in their relationships. The best thing that can happen is children learn how to deal with their emotions and live with love and peace.

There is no good in arguing with the inevitable.  The only argument available with an east wind is to put on your overcoat  – James Russel Lowell

If a person refuses to accept whatever their current life situation happens to be the result is feeling frustration, anxiety, emotional pain, pressure, frustration, and discontentment. These feelings occur inside the body, mind, and spirit. Keeping these feelings inside leads to our ego feeding off of them and controlling our behavior so that we have no patience, get angry, say things we don’t really mean, as well as cause disease.

Acceptance of what is going on does mean you have to agree, like, or condone the situation.It just means that you are aware of whats going on.  Individuals cannot control the world or other people. People can only control what goes on within their mind. The choice is simple. Go with the flow of life, swim against the current.  The latter is not an easy thing to accomplish. There are countless obstacles and it is physically and mentally exhausting.If you have ever tried swimming in the ocean against the current or changing tide you know what I am referring to.

The bottom line is that people will do what they do and you can either accept it or fight it. Just like swimming against the current is futile so is not accepting whats going on.  If you cant accept the situation, accept that you cant.  This will help avoid the negative feelings, guilt, anger, frustration, and help to make you feel better or lighter.

Accepting what is real as well as whatever negative thoughts you have is an important element of happiness. You can be at peace and or you can bitter and angry.  The choice is yours.